Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
