Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
