your thong is hanging out like whoa
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
