Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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