i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
