Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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