after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
