So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
