She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
