..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
