I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
