I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
