this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
