That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
