i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
