you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
