I bet he comes in French.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
