Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
