Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
