you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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