I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
