i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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