i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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