He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
