Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
