You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
