***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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