I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
