Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
