I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
