Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
