i think my mom watched the whole time
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
