You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
