It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
