idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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