Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
