Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
