What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
