I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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