did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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