I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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