He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
