theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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