"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
