Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
