I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
