i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
