Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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