My friends, they love my intelligence
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
