bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
